So there’s a scene in this episode we watched last night where Anthony Jr. (Tony Soprano’s only son. 16 years old. A total shithead.) comes home waaaaay late from a concert in NYC, spent the night in a hotel with friends with his buddies against his mother’s wishes, smoked weed, got drunk, passed out and woke to find his face super-glued to the hotel carpet, his eyebrows shaved off and a widow’s peak drawn into his forehead with a sharpie. He schleps through the front door and Carmela, his mom is totally freaked out and worried. When she realizes that he wasn’t dead on the roadside somewhere off of the New Jersey turnpike, she gives him hell for lying and doing drugs. He walks away and tells her: Fuck you.
And for some reason. This made me think of something closer to home. When m and I are pissing each other off, I am more often than not heard to say: You’re being an asshole. And this is far more than just name-calling but my way of calling him on something when I think he is acting inappropriately. I want to take a moment here to appreciate how open I can be with him and just tell him something like that (my choice of words notwithstanding). And somehow that made me think of my parents. And how probably, I could never tell either of them: You’re being an asshole. Or even the cleaned up version: You’re being a jerk.
Maybe with my mom I could. But my dad? No way. The conversation would very quickly turn away from whatever we had been discussing into a liturgy of age-ist/racist/prejudiced admonishments of how I talk trashy like those trashy Americans I hang out with. How I have grown to be disrespectful of my parents like the way those trashy Americans can be. etc. etc. We would never be able to discuss if in fact one or both of us were being assholes. And if true, why.
That’s too bad. It seems like a reasonable thing to be allowed to do, and yet it’s totally off limits for me in the relationship I have with my parents. Luckily not so the case with my friends and husband.
Any of you lucky enough to be able to frankly tell people you have relationships with (parents, siblings, friends, spouses, etc.) when they are being out of line?